Being "That Kid"

In life there are a lot of "That Kid"s. They can be found in most aspects of life and exist in both negative and positive forms. For example, as a freshman in college you are warned not to me "that kid" in regards to over-drinking the first week of school or "that kid" who burns too many girls too soon and earns a reputation. Fortunately this trip is affording me a once in a lifetime chance to be "that kid" in a positive sense.

Anyone who went to high school in the suburbs post-1950, or went to a prep school ever has met at least one of this particular brand of "that kid" It usually goes something like this: the coach approaches the team on the first day of practice holding a kid by the collar as if to release the death grip would mean to lose him forever.

Coach: This is (insert name here). He just transferred here from (insert name of large urban high school) since his father changed jobs. He'll be playing (insert most athletic position on team) for us this year. Make sure you make him feel welcome.

Your "that kid" has no business playing with you and your team. He should be at home designing his signature sneaker and preparing for his press conference with Nike. Instead, for whatever reason he has come to your high school to be all-state at three sports, a killer with the ladies, and all but invisible in the classroom. Every year suburban teams are made and broken by the acquisitions of "that kid."

I know it may shock some of you, but I've never been "that kid". I was the "that kid" that everyone knew and thought was smart but still didn't ever do quite as well as anyone expected. I was "that kid" who didn't try as hard as you in class but beat you on all the exams. I know you hated "that kid" but you were vindicated, you got better grades in the class and anyways, somebody had to be "that kid".

I bring this up because on my new football team, the Neva Lions, I am "that kid." Most of my teammates actually believe that if I wanted to I could play in the NFL. I am no way joking either, they genuinely believe I am a good enough player to compete with Adrian "All Day" Peterson. I'm more like Craig "Rarely, if ever, but occasionally on alternating Wednesdays, before 2pm" Zevin. I I tried explaining to them that they are much closer to my skill level than I am to any NFL player, but they will have none of it, because I am "that kid".

The coach has already pulled me aside and asked me to call the defense from the field and help him with teaching. The only problem is people keep telling me that I pronounce things wrong. This astounds me considering they are all American words, but why would anyone believe me. I've installed a sexy gap control defense and a spongy, at best Tampa-2 in back. Its just easier to install defenses where the directions are "don't let them run the ball here, that's all you have to do. just look right there, and make sure that's not where the ball is. if the ball happens to be there, run AT it and do ANYTHING. I'll come help."

Our next opponent has three players who played semi-professional football in Europe, all of whom are skill position players. This is an added bonus for me because game time I wont have to actually match up with any of them 1v1. Our game plan is to put me a Nose Tackle (yes I have come full circle back to that position) and try to kill the QB every play, and if that fails, at least cause as much destruction as possible. According to coach, their QB likes to run the ball a lot and wears an inordinate amount of padding. Oh yah and he was a practice squad player in NFL Europe, but does he really stand a chance? After all, I am "that kid"

ramble on,
Craig