A Blog for Roman

LA needs to get a grip. For a city that spent the last too-long celebrating the life and death and possible, but maybe not entirely, but debatably ambiguous funeral of Michael Jackson, their pursuit of Roman Polanski is down right ludicrous. We get it LA, there is a chance that the man knowingly or unknowingly engaged in sexual activity with a minor. We know instead of facing it he ran away to Europe making him look that much more guilty. But don't you think after thirty years it might be time to give it up

Here's the way I see its: If you explained the situation and asked the average American what should happen, I see the average answer coming out something like this:

"he should be brought back to the States, put on trial, and have his pervert ass thrown in jail."

However if you asked that same sample of average Americans how they would feel about taking all of our rapists and pedophiles and sending them off to Europe for ever I imagine the answer coming out something like this:

"sounds good to me. better there than here. by the way isn't that kinda how they roll in europe?"

Therefore I think we got the better end of this deal. Leave him in Europe, its not like he can get any more of our children over there. And to tie this all together, the parents of the girl who let her go not once, but twice to Jack Nicholson's house for a photo shoot in the 1970's and didn't see a possible negative outcome were clearly the people who taught parenting classes to the parents of all of Jack-O's victims.

Now you might be wondering to yourself "where is this coming from Craig? Is there something you are trying to tell us?" Yes, in fact there is. For the sake of novelty I'm going to pull a "Memento" here and tell you the punch line first and then work backwards. Here it is "Two 13 year old girls saw me completely naked today for no less than 30 seconds while in a public school" Since you all have enough time to read this blog pleasure me here and get a watch and time out 30 seconds. Its a lot longer than you think. Now think about being naked, in a public school, in front of some minors for that long. Heres what happened.

I had football practice today at a new stadium (I am using that term increasingly loosely). My friend Коля met me at the metro station and we took a bus to the field (also used loosely). We get there and the coach tells us that there is no locker room so we can just change on the street. I give the one eyebrow raise saying "either you were joking or you are now. do better." He responds with "well there's a school there, you can probably change inside." We walk towards the school.

Now about Kolya. Great guy, but the only thing worse than his English is his sense of sarcasm and jokes. As we walk towards the school we are walking in behind two very young girls, say 13 or 14. The look back at us and then keep walking. Коля has this to say "We change inside, they may watch us." Lets dissect this broken English for a minute. "May" has the meaning of both possibility and allowability. "Watch" has the meaning of see, glance at, or stare in a fixated fashion. There is a lot of room for error with my man Коля's English, and this is a cause for concern.

We go inside and get permission to change in the hallway. There is a large lobby and then hallways leading from either side, so if you are on one side you can be seen by, say two girls on the other-side, but not the old lady in the lobby. We begin to change. The girls stare. Now I could be wrong on this one, but usually when young teenage girls see a moderately attractive (Коля not me) 20 something year old guy they giggle or blush or something. These girls just stared. And not in a "I just saw a car accident and can't look away" way either, this was a "those men will soon be naked and by God I will bear witness to it" way.

I see Коля drop trow and pull his compressions on so I follow suit. I gingerly pull my boxers down and before I know it I've been jumped. Коля, who already had clothes on grabbed all my stuff and ran down the hallway. The two girls can see this, the old lady cannot. I am stranded and bound by the time-worn adage "the only thing more obscene than a naked man is a naked man on the run" Seconds tick by. If I cover myself, I am only further acknowledging my nakedness. I am a deer in the headlights. I can't look up and face the beady eyes of the teenage girls, but I know they are there.

Finally some compressions are tossed my way and I can exit the limelight. I look down the hall, across the lobby, and into the other hallway at the girls, expecting chatter or a giggle. Nothing. No emotion, just a monotonous, deadpan stare. I may have just ruined sex for those girls for many, many years. Worse things have happened in the history of the world. Like the recent arrest of Roman Polanski, don't even get me started on that.

ramble on,
Craig